His life lessons are always so timely.
Last night, the episode "Happily Ever After" was the first episode I tuned on and if you haven't seen the episode(don't even get me started if you haven't seen the show) I'll give you a quick run down:
In the previous episode, Ted is left at the altar by his fiancé, Stella, for the father of her daughter, Tony. This episode starts out with the gang getting upset with Ted for not being upset over his break up with Stella. They decide to go out to dinner and Ted pulls out a map of "red zones" which are areas in New York that he fears he might run into her. They wind up going to a restaurant Lily suggests when Stella walks in, Ted promptly hides under the table so she doesn't see him, which gets the gang talking about the last person they want to see. Anyway, Ted realizes all his friends are haunted by problems in their past, but it isn't too late for him to face up to his. He decides to talk to Stella, but finds she has already left. They hail a cab and follow her, but Ted still refuses to get angry, and instead wants to talk things out, despite protests from his friends. When they realize Stella is going to Tony's apartment instead of back to New Jersey, he is enraged that she wouldn't move into the city for him, but would for Tony. Finally, Ted unleashes his emotions, and his overjoyed friends cheer him on. Ted imagines himself confronting Stella, telling her she made the wrong choice and should have been with him, as Tony will only let her down again. When he actually goes to talk to her, however, he sees her and Tony with their daughter, and decides that they were meant to be a family, his anger quickly subsiding. Future Ted announces that rather than swallowing your anger, or throwing it in someone's face, the best idea is to simply let it go, so you can move on. Finally, Ted gets rid of his map, so he can get on with his life.
Let that sink in:
"Rather than swallowing your anger, or throwing it in someone's face, the best idea is to simply let it go, so you can move on."
I'm having a rough time controlling my anger toward Tristan. I'm angry because the divorce isn't final yet he's been running around town with a girlfriend. I'm angry because I feel like I got a raw deal in this situation. I'm young, pretty, smart, funny but I'm also utterly broken over a person who is doing just fine. I find myself texting him rude remarks(because we never see each other) and saying things that are downright mean.
It doesn't make me feel better, honestly, it makes me feel worse. Like I'm stuck in this whirlwind of emotions that I can't seem to get a handle on. It feels like pergatory. My heart hurts, I can't sleep, I can't really eat, all because I'm angry at everything he has done. My heart wants him to hurt as bad as he made me hurt but my mind says otherwise. My heart is totally an irrational teenager...my brain is definitely the mom.
I feel like when I first started saying hateful things, it was justified. I felt I had to get it out of my system. I felt I couldn't repress these feelings any longer. I felt my only other option was to "throw them in his face" when really I should have stepped back and thought about the joy that comes in letting it go.
It's hard because when you choose to start a life with someone you make a conscious decision that you aren't going to have to weed through the jerks and the weirdos in the dating pool. You found your person. Which, in everyone's mind, is awesome. When you have kids, 9 times out of 10 you don't have to worry about trying to find someone someday while you have a child because the person you made that child with will always be there.
Sometimes, that just doesn't happen.
Life isn't that simple.
I need to learn to let this go. It's doing nothing but hurting me by being angry all of the time about something that is completely out of my control. I also can't live in a world where everyday I hope karma gets him because that's still bringing me down. Because by thinking he will get his, I am holding onto everything that happened, all of the resentment and disgust and it feels terrible inside.
Let it go...
By letting go, I can free my mind from the shackles of this situation(see #4 in the previous post) I have to let it go to not let it define me. I have to stop being the girl who only talks about what happened. By letting go, I can be me again and I know, that in letting go, I will feel better than I ever have over these past two and a half years.
Letting this go will be a difficult task as we have a child together and he will never fully be out of my life. He will always be the father of my child and the reason I am able to have Harper to wake up to every morning. I'm thankful for that. Letting it go, in this situation, won't be acting as if it didn't happen but instead will be facing what happened and choosing to not let it burden me or control my life.
This whole episode definitely makes me think of the "Pit Guy" life lesson but I'll save that for another post...
Thank you, Ted Mosby, for having such apt life lessons to teach me at 11:30pm.
No comments:
Post a Comment