But I am not.
A lot of 24 year olds aren't settled in their lives. There's so much life left to live but in some sense I have failed at the life I chose for myself, which is why I'm here, writing this for the world to read.
Okay, I think mostly I am just embarrassed.
I am embarrassed that my parents paid a lot of money for me to get married only to have the marriage end in divorce a little over a year later. I'm embarrassed for being so naive about a man I had only just met. I am embarrassed when I walk around town because I know how many people are talking behind my back.
Some people aren't compatible. Some people want stability and comfort while others strive for adventure and the unknown. I am the former, he the ladder. It just doesn't work. On top of that, we are always changing, always evolving into different versions of ourselves, better or worse. You could meet someone and know their soul and in two years look at the same person with no idea who they are. That is just life. And I'm learning.
As for being a 24 year old single mom. I'm okay with it, it wasn't my first choice when I was fourteen and thinking where I'd be in ten years but it's where my path has led. The main concern I have with my life is being enough for this tiny person. If I wasn't enough for an adult person, what makes me think I can be enough to her? That one keeps me up most nights. But I'm figuring it out. I'll get there in due time.
But enough with the sob story...
Mike Birbiglia said once, "I think serious situations make for the best kind of belly laughs but they are also the hardest to convert into comedy on the outset." So, that's what I'm doing, that's the endgame: To take this situation and let it bring me the happiest moments of my life. It's going to be hard and it's going to be mostly an uphill battle but damnit anyway if I'm not going to try to find the humor in all of this! Thanks for joining me on this journey as I publicly figure out just what the hell I'm doing and try to make it funny along the way.
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